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Started by #423718 [Ignore] 26,Feb,14 03:52
New Comment Rating: 5 Similar topics: 1.===== Joke Of The Day ===== 2.Anybody got a good joke! 3.small hands 4.Joke Central 5.It just a joke Comments: | ||
massaging the back of the person in front of him. Surprised, the man in front
turned and snarled, "Just what the hell are you doing?"
"Well," said the guy, "you see, I'm a massage therapist and I could see that you
were tense, so I had to massage your back. Sometimes I just can't help
practicing my art!"
"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard!" the guy replied. "I work for the
IRS. Do you see me screwing the guy in front of me?"
"What you doing later?" asked one.
"Going out," the other replied.
* * *
Two candles were having a fierce argument. After 10 minutes, one of them said: "for fuck sake, will you shut up. You're getting on my wick."
* * *
My hamster died the other day. It fell asleep at the wheel.
* * *
A guy drove up a farm track and accidentally ran over a cockerel. He knocked on the door of the farmhouse and a blonde bimbo answered.
"I'm ever so sorry," said the man, "but I've just run over and killed one of your cockerels. I'd like to replace it."
"Please yourself," the blonde bimbo replied, "the hens are round the back."
* * *
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman went into a pub. "Is this some kind of joke?" asked the barman.
* * *
An Irishman, a Scotsman and an Englishman were lined up in front of the firing squad.
"Have you any final requests?" asked the executioner to the Irishman.
"Yes," replied the Irishman, "I'd like to hear a choir singing "If You're Irish, Come Into The Parlour."
The executioner then turned to the Scotsman and said: "Have you any final requests?"
"Yes" replied the Scotsman, "I want to hear 400 bagpipe players playing "Scotland the Brave."
The executioner then turned to the Englishman and said:
"Have you any final requests?"
"Yes," replied the Englishman, "shoot me first."
* * *
--------------------------------------- added after 3 minutes
What are you doing father???
Priest: I am masturbating my son and soon you will be doing it too...
Boy: how comes???
Priest: my wrist is sore
The guy behind the counter says, “Male or female?”
The customer says, “Female”
The counter guy asks, “Black or white?”
The customer says, “White”
The counter guy asks, “Christian or Muslim?”
The customer says, “What the hell does religion have to do with it?”
The counter guy says, “The Muslim one blows itself up!”
Shocking, incredible footage.
--------------------------------------- added after 22 seconds
Glad to share laughs and entertainment.
A - He never knew if he was cuming or going!
The assistant directs him towards the feminine hygiene section.
Five minutes later he goes to the counter with a bag of cotton wool and a toilet roll.
The assistants asks him 'I thought you wanted tampons, to which the bloke replied
Yesterday I sent my mrs out to pick me up a pack of 20 cigs, she came back with a pouch of baccy and a packet of papers. Lets see how she likes rolling her own.
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So they all go home to have sex with their wives so they make them scream.
The next day the meet.
The Italian says, "I made love to my wife for 2 hours and she was screaming for at least 1 1/2 hours."
The German says, "That's nothing, I start licking my wife for two hours and she was screaming the whole time and half hour after that."
The Greek says, " That's nothing, I made love to my wife for ten minutes,
I came a couple times I wiped my dick in the curtain and she still screaming.
The son stumbles on his words and the father again says, "What do you want fathead?"
A lady close by says, "Why do you keep calling your son fathead".
And he replies, "Well lady there are 3 things a man has to have in his life to be a successful man. Number one you got to have a big truck, see my truck over There? Biggest truck in the county. Second. You got to have a big house. See that house down up the street? That's mine, the house biggest house in the county. And thirdly you have to have a tight pussy, and I had one till this fathead came along."
The waiter replied, "Yes. Ever since we had that efficiency expert out; he determined that 17.8% of our diners knock the spoon off the table. By carrying clean spoons with us, we save trips to the kitchen."
The diner ate his meal. As he was paying the waiter, he commented, "Forgive the intrusion, but do you know that you have a string hanging from your fly?"
The waiter replied, "Yes, we all do. Seems that the same efficiency expert determined that we spend too much time washing our hands after using the men's room. So, the other end of that string is tied to my penis. When I need to go, I simply pull the string to pull out my penis, go, and return to work. Having never touched myself, there is no need to wash my hands. Saves a lot of time."
Wait a minute," said the diner, "how do you get your penis back in your pants?"
"Well, I don't know about the other guys, but I use the spoon."
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