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Page #8

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Started by #423718 [Ignore] 26,Feb,14 03:52
Tell Us A Joke, Make Us Laugh....

New Comment       Rating: 5  


Comments:
By leopoldij [Ignore] 21,Jan,16 12:38 other posts 
In a long line of people waiting for a bank teller, one guy suddenly started
massaging the back of the person in front of him. Surprised, the man in front
turned and snarled, "Just what the hell are you doing?"

"Well," said the guy, "you see, I'm a massage therapist and I could see that you
were tense, so I had to massage your back. Sometimes I just can't help
practicing my art!"

"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard!" the guy replied. "I work for the
IRS. Do you see me screwing the guy in front of me?"


By routemaster [Ignore] 19,Jan,16 23:41 other posts 
Two candles were having a conversation.
"What you doing later?" asked one.
"Going out," the other replied.

* * *

Two candles were having a fierce argument. After 10 minutes, one of them said: "for fuck sake, will you shut up. You're getting on my wick."

* * *

My hamster died the other day. It fell asleep at the wheel.

* * *

A guy drove up a farm track and accidentally ran over a cockerel. He knocked on the door of the farmhouse and a blonde bimbo answered.
"I'm ever so sorry," said the man, "but I've just run over and killed one of your cockerels. I'd like to replace it."
"Please yourself," the blonde bimbo replied, "the hens are round the back."

* * *

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman went into a pub. "Is this some kind of joke?" asked the barman.

* * *

An Irishman, a Scotsman and an Englishman were lined up in front of the firing squad.
"Have you any final requests?" asked the executioner to the Irishman.
"Yes," replied the Irishman, "I'd like to hear a choir singing "If You're Irish, Come Into The Parlour."
The executioner then turned to the Scotsman and said: "Have you any final requests?"
"Yes" replied the Scotsman, "I want to hear 400 bagpipe players playing "Scotland the Brave."
The executioner then turned to the Englishman and said:
"Have you any final requests?"
"Yes," replied the Englishman, "shoot me first."

* * *
--------------------------------------- added after 3 minutes

By foreskinlover52 [Ignore] 20,Jan,16 10:29 other posts 
By routemaster [Ignore] 20,Jan,16 12:57 other posts 


By *kmadeau* [Ignore] 25,Nov,14 14:09 other posts 
Altar boy caught a priest masturbating and asked:
What are you doing father???
Priest: I am masturbating my son and soon you will be doing it too...
Boy: how comes???
Priest: my wrist is sore
By #491869 16,Aug,15 05:55
That's a good one
By *kmadeau* [Ignore] 16,Aug,15 10:09 other posts 


By #485312 24,Aug,15 11:12
I found a Justin Bieber concert ticket nailed to a tree, so I took it. You never know when you might need a nail *lix*


By leopoldij [Ignore] 28,Aug,15 18:47 other posts 
A police officer was patrolling the highway when he sees a guy tied up to a tree, crying. The officer stops and approaches the guy. "What's going on here?", he asks. The guy sobs, "I was driving and picked up a hitchhiker. He pulled a gun on me, robbed me, took all my money, my clothes, my car and then tied me up." The cop studied the guy for a moment, and then pulled down his pants and whipped out his dick. "I guess this isn't your lucky day, pal!"
By #485312 28,Aug,15 22:16
love it leo *lix*
By leopoldij [Ignore] 29,Aug,15 01:59 other posts 
Thanks. Hope it made you laugh at the end.


By leopoldij [Ignore] 04,Sep,15 05:38 other posts 
A boss said to his secretary "I want to have sex with you I will make it very fast. I'll throw £1000 on the floor, by the time you bend down to pick it I'll be done". She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend then said to her, "do it but ask him for £2000, pick up the money very fast he wouldn't even have enough time to undressed himself". So she agrees. Half an hour goes by, the boyfriend decides to call girlfriend, he asks, "what happened?" She responds, "The bastard used pennies, I'm still picking and he's still fucking!"


By leopoldij [Ignore] 06,Dec,15 01:17 other posts 
A guy goes in an adult store and asks for an inflatable doll.

The guy behind the counter says, “Male or female?”

The customer says, “Female”

The counter guy asks, “Black or white?”

The customer says, “White”

The counter guy asks, “Christian or Muslim?”

The customer says, “What the hell does religion have to do with it?”

The counter guy says, “The Muslim one blows itself up!”


By routemaster [Ignore] 15,Jan,16 05:40 other posts 
Did you hear there's going to be a new heterosexual porn film with all the action taking place in a magical flying car? Its going to be called TITTY TITTY GANG BANG
By leopoldij [Ignore] 17,Jan,16 01:57 other posts 
I want to be an actor in it.
By routemaster [Ignore] 19,Jan,16 08:57 other posts 


By leopoldij [Ignore] 18,Jan,16 19:28 other posts 
A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking." Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream." Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!"


By spermkiss [Ignore] 17,Jan,16 13:23 other posts 
By turning your underpants inside out you can wear them for and extra three days.


By spermkiss [Ignore] 17,Jan,16 13:22 other posts 
Help conserve toilet paper. Use both sides.


By leopoldij [Ignore] 17,Nov,15 02:08 other posts 
only registered users can see external links
By tb1 [Ignore] 17,Nov,15 10:40 other posts 
awesome
By leopoldij [Ignore] 20,Nov,15 07:30 other posts 
I know. It made me smile, but it made me horny too.
By Ravioli_Max [Ignore] 20,Nov,15 03:03 other posts 
Wow.
By leopoldij [Ignore] 20,Nov,15 07:30 other posts 
Would be really awesome to see this, eh?
By Ravioli_Max [Ignore] 22,Nov,15 07:47 other posts 
I'm glad they didn't fall to their deaths. That's one of the most remarkable videos I've ever seen.
By leopoldij [Ignore] 22,Nov,15 12:45 other posts 
I know. Very remarkable. I'd have given a lot to see that. I wonder: does the woman feel sexy doing that? Horny?
By Ravioli_Max [Ignore] 22,Nov,15 07:50 other posts 
I'm sorry, I think I'm posting in the wrong spot. Where is that video of the couple having oral sex outside very high-up on a little narrow ledge attached to a building?
Shocking, incredible footage.
By leopoldij [Ignore] 22,Nov,15 12:45 other posts 
This one? only registered users can see external links
By Ravioli_Max [Ignore] 22,Nov,15 19:24 other posts 
leopoldij, thank you, yes that's the one! Thanks a lot, my friend! Nice of you!
By leopoldij [Ignore] 22,Nov,15 22:54 other posts 
Welcome!
--------------------------------------- added after 22 seconds

Glad to share laughs and entertainment.
By BirdDog [Ignore] 17,Jan,16 11:50 other posts 
that was good!


By #479725 24,Nov,15 13:27
What did the blind man say to the other blind man?........long time no see I tried
By leopoldij [Ignore] 29,Nov,15 18:55 other posts 
Excellent.
By BirdDog [Ignore] 17,Jan,16 11:42 other posts 
good one!


By leopoldij [Ignore] 17,Jan,16 10:18 other posts 
A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, "Mypenis," and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, "Error. Not long enough."
By BirdDog [Ignore] 17,Jan,16 11:40 other posts 
haha good one


By spermkiss [Ignore] 17,Jan,16 10:56 other posts 
My wife is such a lousy housekeeper that every time I want to piss in the sink it's full of dirty dishes.


By #504529 17,Jan,16 10:40
Q - Anyone here about the man who didn't know the difference between urine and semen?

A - He never knew if he was cuming or going!


By DJS [Ignore] 17,Jan,16 07:18 other posts 
Bloke goes into a chemist and asks where the tampons are.
The assistant directs him towards the feminine hygiene section.
Five minutes later he goes to the counter with a bag of cotton wool and a toilet roll.
The assistants asks him 'I thought you wanted tampons, to which the bloke replied
Yesterday I sent my mrs out to pick me up a pack of 20 cigs, she came back with a pouch of baccy and a packet of papers. Lets see how she likes rolling her own.
By tb1 [Ignore] 17,Jan,16 10:07 other posts 


By leopoldij [Ignore] 15,Jan,16 04:02 other posts 
Changing standards.

only registered users can see external links


By leopoldij [Ignore] 03,Dec,15 17:09 other posts 
Three Friends an Italian a German and a Greek they decided to bet it's other 100 euros who is going to make their wives scream more from sex.
So they all go home to have sex with their wives so they make them scream.
The next day the meet.

The Italian says, "I made love to my wife for 2 hours and she was screaming for at least 1 1/2 hours."

The German says, "That's nothing, I start licking my wife for two hours and she was screaming the whole time and half hour after that."

The Greek says, " That's nothing, I made love to my wife for ten minutes,
I came a couple times I wiped my dick in the curtain and she still screaming.


By leopoldij [Ignore] 03,Dec,15 17:03 other posts 
A father and son walk into a bar and the dad says to the son. "What do you want fathead?"
The son stumbles on his words and the father again says, "What do you want fathead?"
A lady close by says, "Why do you keep calling your son fathead".
And he replies, "Well lady there are 3 things a man has to have in his life to be a successful man. Number one you got to have a big truck, see my truck over There? Biggest truck in the county. Second. You got to have a big house. See that house down up the street? That's mine, the house biggest house in the county. And thirdly you have to have a tight pussy, and I had one till this fathead came along."


By leopoldij [Ignore] 29,Nov,15 19:04 other posts 
A man entered a restaurant and sat at the only open table. As he sat down, he knocked the spoon off the table with his elbow. A nearby waiter reached into his shirt pocket, pulled out a clean spoon and set it on the table. The diner was impressed. "Do all the waiters carry spoons in their pockets?"

The waiter replied, "Yes. Ever since we had that efficiency expert out; he determined that 17.8% of our diners knock the spoon off the table. By carrying clean spoons with us, we save trips to the kitchen."

The diner ate his meal. As he was paying the waiter, he commented, "Forgive the intrusion, but do you know that you have a string hanging from your fly?"

The waiter replied, "Yes, we all do. Seems that the same efficiency expert determined that we spend too much time washing our hands after using the men's room. So, the other end of that string is tied to my penis. When I need to go, I simply pull the string to pull out my penis, go, and return to work. Having never touched myself, there is no need to wash my hands. Saves a lot of time."

Wait a minute," said the diner, "how do you get your penis back in your pants?"

"Well, I don't know about the other guys, but I use the spoon."


By leopoldij [Ignore] 19,Nov,15 23:02 other posts 
Several years ago, Great Britain funded a study to determine why the head on a man's penis is larger than the shaft. The study took two years and cost over 1.2 million pounds. The study concluded that the reason the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft is to provide the man with more pleasure during sex. After the results were published, France decided to conduct their own study on the same subject. They were convinced that the results of the British study were incorrect. After three years of research at a cost of in excess of 2 million Euros, the French researchers concluded that the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft to provide the woman with more pleasure during sex. When the results of the French study were released, Australia decided to conduct their own study. The Aussies didn't really trust British or French studies. So, after nearly three hours of intensive research and a cost of right around 75 dollars (three cases of beer), the Aussie study was complete. They concluded that the reason the head on a man's penis is larger than the shaft is to prevent your hand from flying off and hitting you in the forehead.
By #485312 23,Nov,15 03:45
Lol. You got that right, and thats no joke *lix *
By leopoldij [Ignore] 23,Nov,15 16:49 other posts 
You know aussies better than I do!


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