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Started by #423718 [Ignore] 26,Feb,14 03:52
New Comment Rating: 5 Similar topics: 1.===== Joke Of The Day ===== 2.Anybody got a good joke! 3.small hands 4.Joke Central 5.It just a joke Comments: | ||
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This gentleman is trying to get the additional benefits of a massage but the masseuse does not seem to engage.
*lix*
The female lead is to be played by Bolivia Newton-John
* * * * *
1st woman says 'Hi! My name is Sherry'.
2nd woman says 'Hi! I'm Sylvia. How'd you die'?
'I froze to death' says the 1st woman
'Thats horrible!' say the 2nd woman
'It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm and sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?'
'I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV'.
'So, what happened'? asked the 1st woman.
2nd woman says 'I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, & finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.'
'Well too bad you didn't look in the freezer or we'd both still be alive.'
*lix*
1: Darren Walsh: “I just deleted all the German names off my phone. It’s Hans-free.”
2: Stewart Francis: “Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse... but enough about Kanye West.”
3: Adam Hess: “Surely every car is a people carrier?”
4: Masai Graham: “What’s the difference between a ‘hippo’ and a ‘Zippo’? One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.”
5: Dave Green: “If I could take just one thing to a desert island I probably wouldn’t go.”
6: Mark Nelson: “Jesus fed 5,000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread. That’s not a miracle. That’s tapas.”
7: Tom Parry: “Red sky at night. Shepherd’s delight. Blue sky at night. Day.”
=8: Alun Cochrane: “The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper. She was wearing massive gloves.”
=8: Simon Munnery: “Clowns divorce. Custardy battle.”
10: Grace The ****: “They’re always telling me to live my dreams. But I don’t want to be naked in an exam I haven’t revised for...”
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
*lix*
*lix*
*lix*
A: A low down bum
The old ones are the best!
A non-dairy creamer.
Why are all lesbians vegetarian?
Because they don't eat meat.
What do you call a vegan guy who likes to pleasure himself?
A non-dairy creamer.
'oh' he replied, 'so you want me to fucking stay now'
*lix*
after a week he had to close it as most men couldn't find it
*lix*
He got up, unplugged my computer and threw out my wine!!!
*lix*
A: Phone her.
Q: Why do owls never make love when its raining?
A: Because its too wet to woo.
Eileen
Irene
*lix*
Bob
What do you can a man with no feet?
Neal
Doug
what do you call a man standing in the bushes?
Russel
*lix*
Cliff
Matt
what do you call a man that's been tied up?
Beau
*lix*
No idea.
What do you call a deer with no eyes or legs?
Still no idea.
What do you call a deer with no eyes or legs that's bleeding?
Still no bloody idea.
The man replies,”See that man playing piano over there? He’s a genie and he’ll grant you one wish.”
So the guy walks over to the genie and says, “I wish for a million bucks.” All of a sudden the room fills up with a million ducks.
The man walks over to the guy with the lighter and says, “That genie is a little hard of hearing isn’t he.”
The guy replies, “No kidding! You think I asked for a 14 inch Bic!”
"No," replied the bloke, "I've been ill."
* * * * *
How To Make Money by Robin Banks
Dog's Food by Nora Bone
The Haunted House by Major Jump
A miracle.
I said, "Tourettes! Now fuck off you cunt!"
Guy behind the counter replied: "is this a wind up?"
* * * * *
She said: "You used to hold my hand when we were courting,
Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to kip.
A few moments later she said,Then you used to kiss me.
Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to try and kip again.
Thirty seconds later she said. Then you used to bite my Neck.
Pissed off he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed.
Where are you going.the wife asked
To get my fucking teeth.
The first girl was asked;
"If you were working here, and found out that a new client have over paid our company a hundred thousand pounds, what would you do?
The girl replied, "well I would ring them and tell them of their mistake and forward a cheque to them ASAP, this will show them that they are dealing with an honest company and will have confident in future dealings with us".
Good answer murmured the directors.
Same question to the second girl.
"Well I would straight away bank the over payment and leave it to the client to contact us, only then will I repay the amount hoping while the money in our bank would make some form of interest which is good for the company".
Good answer murmured the directors.
Same question to the third and final girl.
"Well I would consult my superior and let him/her deal with such complex situation, because he/her will have much more experience then me".
Good answer murmured the directors.
Who did the company hired?
The blond with big tits and long legs.
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