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Started by #423718 [Ignore] 26,Feb,14 03:52
New Comment Rating: 5 Similar topics: 1.===== Joke Of The Day ===== 2.Anybody got a good joke! 3.small hands 4.Joke Central 5.It just a joke Comments: | ||
Because hippies donīt marry
Me: Is it because I could go blind?
Nurse: No, itīs because Iīm trying to examine you
Don't ask me 'ow.
* * * *
A fairground worker recently got the sack. He is suing his bosses for funfair dismissal.
* * * *
As I was about to leave, I thought to myself that if I should fall off the bicycle, the bottle would break. So I decided to drink the bottle of Scotch before I cycled home.
It turned out to be a very good decision, because I fell off my bicycle seven times on the way home!
'Talking Dog For Sale'....He rings the bell, the owner appears and tells him the dog can be viewed in the back garden.
The man sees a very nice looking Black Labrador Retriever sitting there.
"Do you really talk"...? He asks the dog.
"Yes!" The Labrador replies.
After recovering from the shock of hearing the dog talk, he man asks, "So, tell me your story"...?
The Labrador looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I joined the SAS.
"In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one imagined that a dog would be eavesdropping.
I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years, But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at Heathrow to do some undercover security work, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded several medals. I got married, had a few puppies, and now I've just retired"...!
The man is amazed. He goes back into the house and asks the owner how much he wants for the dog.
"Ten quid!" The owner says.
"Ģ10? But this dog is absolutely amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheaply"...?
"Because he's a lying cunt. He's never been out of the garden"..
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Biggest fucking joke since BLM!
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🇺🇸 Preserve The 2nd Amendment - TRUMP 2020 🇺🇸
Cause Harris/Biden OR Biden/Harris neither are worth a fiddly fuck.
🇺🇲 Vote 4 Life - TRUMP 2020 🇺🇸
Interviewer: Sir, you seem to have a wooden leg
Capīn Beard: Aaar, that would be from exchange of cannon fire on the Spanish Main
Interviewer: Sir, you also seem to have a hook for a hand
Capīn Beard: Yahaar me hearties, that were swordfighting where i lost me hand fighting for treasure
Interviewer: Sir, you wear an eyepatch
Capīn Beard: Yaar, a seagull!
Interviewer: Ehh???
Capīn Beard: Aye, flew over me head and shat. So I scratched me eye.....
They just arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
Because then it would be a foot!
A: Not everyone eats parsley.
Read this ➡️ /forum/thread.php?id=22645#23
🇺🇲 FREE Kyle Rittenhouse 🇺🇸
Must have been the neighbors...
Love it!
We stood staring for a couple of seconds, before my ex asked ''Aren't you going to help''?
''No'', I replied, ''It looks like they're managing ok''.
The butcher replies "I sacked him"
The man says "Sacked him, why?"
The butcher replies "He kept sticking his dick in the bacon slicer!"
The man, shocked, says "So wheres your bacon slicer??"
The butcher says "I fuckin' sacked her as well!!"
Awakening from the anesthesia after the surgery she found three roses carefully placed beside her on the bed. Outraged, she immediately calls in the doctor. "I thought I asked you not to tell anyone about my operation!"
The surgeon told her he had carried out her wish for confidentiality and that the first rose was from him. "I felt sad because you went through this all by yourself."
"The second rose is from my nurse. She assisted me in the surgery and empathized because she had had the same procedure done some time ago."
"And what about the third rose?" she asked.
"That's from a man upstairs in the burn unit. He wanted to thank you for his new ears."
LMAO
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A zit will wait until youre twelve before it comes on your face.
* * * *
I've got an interview with a mirror factory today. I can just see myself working there.
* * * *
Second person: I've no clue...
First person: They should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.
________________
Q: What do you call a lawyer who has gone bad?
A: Senator.
_________________
Q: Whats the difference between a politician and a snail?
A: One is slimy, a pest, and leaves a trail everywhere and pretends to be doing something good for you; the other is a snail.
_________________
Q: What's the difference between 9/11 and a cow?
A: You can't milk a cow for over 10 years.
_________________
Q: Why is Trump is a bad subject for comedy?
A: Hes shallow and played out, and already what people expect from the comedy about him is bad.
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