Life in Pennsylvania - The Corvette

Years ago and with great sadness I kissed my flying days goodbye. Because I was taking non-FAA approved meds for depression I could no longer “trip the light fantastic” among the clouds. I had to balance quality of life decisions around approved antidepressants that had minimal effect, versus unapproved meds that made me feel serene. I chose the latter.

The Long–EZ that took me 3 ½ years to build and then flew for 25, was sold to a great guy who is enjoying it immensely which is the most I could hope for. Now what am I going to do for fun?

I have been watching several car shows that have held me in their thrall and I thought how cool it would be to transform a wreck into a beautiful high performance machine. My wife's response was diplomatic. “Are you off your meds? If you think we’re going to spend money on a used wreck you’re out of your mind” She’s right, so I dropped the matter…for now. Still, I am perseverating about what I’m going to do since the only toy I had was the airplane. Now I have to search for a non-aviation substitute. In that spirit I thought a powerful sports car might satisfy the requirement.

I have always liked the Corvette so I went to a Chevrolet dealer. On arrival the sales staff descended on me like locusts. “I’m interested in a Corvette” I said and was immediately dragged to the most expensive model on the lot, the Z06 3LZ which is essentially a race car that hovers near six figures. Good thing I didn’t take my wife with me but, with her in mind I said “Nah, what’s the cheapest, I mean, least expensive model on the lot?” I was then shuttled to a 1LT Stingray with the fewest of accessories, painted in “Arrest Me Red”. “I liked it too much” but something was not quite right. The seat of my Prius is approximately 24 inches above the ground but the Corvette’s is quite a bit lower. So the experience of mounting this beast was a bit like having a chair pulled out from under me. The anticipation of landing on the bucket seat causes one to assume the seat is placed at a higher elevation than it really is. The result is an awkward and humiliating fall into it, D’oh! Once I’m seated, there is an odd sensation of pressure created by the seat on the side of my left upper thigh “Crap, my ass is asleep!” Oh heck I’m thinking. Maybe my fat ass will cause the seat to conform to my corpulent bottom.

Okay, let’s think about colors. Chevrolet has a clever way of steering the public to certain packages based on colors. In my case I wanted the car painted in Long Beach Red Metallic Tint Coat with a Red Spice interior that is only available in the 3LT variant. This model includes features I could care less about including a Performance Data and Video Recorder or black box. This device is connected to cameras at the front of the car that record the driver’s ineptitude while the speed of the car is superimposed on the image. This particular piece of equipment should be of great use by the constabulary and/or lawyers should I get into an accident.

But the color also requires other non essential accessories that must be included with purchase.
Among them is the Hobson’s choice of either the magnetic selective drive or the Z51 Performance package. “Good news; an 8 speed manual transmission is standard equipment!” the salesman said. “Groan!” I hate manual transmissions especially on hills. My first manual transmission was on a Volvo 142-S I got as a graduation present from my dad. It was fun for a while but when the Air Force got wind of the fact I could operate a manual transmission I was shanghaied to drive “deuce-and-a-half’s”. That ended my enthusiasm for anything involving shifting. “Okay, what’s an automatic going to cost?” I said with exasperation. “Well for a mere $1725 we’ll include it.”

So for an automatic transmission and the exterior and interior colors I want, I have to spend $75,505 plus transport, tax and license…nuts!

Now I have to convince my spouse this is what I really want. I have been talking about this for sometime and she acquiesces to my desire saying dryly “Whatever you want so long as it makes you happy”. That was too easy so I know something’s afoot. The next problem is finding out what her agenda might be should I decide to buy. Stay tuned.

This is Seventy writing to you from Lahaska Pennsylvania, a great place to buy automobiles. Y'all don’t forget to write.