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The most important thing that ever happened to me.

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By kebmo [Ignore] 15,Oct,18 02:56   Pageviews: 315

Today marks the anniversary of a very important day in my life. On this day I was adopted.

My childhood was very tumultuous with lots of twists and turns. It wasn't a bad childhood, I was never abu.sed and I think I came out of it OK with the help of one person who I'll call Tom.

My Mom had five sons (four by the time she was 21) and was a single Mother when she met Tom. Tom was a 26 year old school teacher (his Mother and slster were teachers too) and he loved klds and my Mom. Twenty six!!!

They fell in love and were married when I was eleven.
One of my br0thers chose to go to live with our biological father. For the first year we had a Volkswagen for the six of us. The three oldest in the back and the youngest, a one year old, sat on Mom's lap in the front. We moved into a two bedroom basement suite where Tom lived with his three dogs! That living arrangement only lasted for two months thankfully.

One night about a year after they got married we went out for pizza. After dinner Tom put four birth certificates on the table and asked if anyone knew what they meant. My brothers and I agreed that we were going on a vacation and we needed them to leave the country. He gave each of the three oldest ones ours and said to look at the last names. They were his last name and he said that this means that he is now our legal Father. We had been adopted.

The marriage only lasted for three years unfortunately but when they sat us down to tell us of the impending divorce they asked who we wanted to live with. The three oldest all agreed that we wanted to live with Tom so all four of us stayed with him. There were various reasons but that's not because my Mom was a bad person though. After the divorce I NEVER heard either of them say a bad word about the other and there were no lawyers involved. They were adults about the whole thing which every divorcing couple could do but often don't.

We stayed in the house and my Mom moved out. This was near Toronto. Shortly after the divorce one of the many oil booms in Alberta was on so Tom, my br0thers and I moved 2,000 miles to Calgary where we started from scratch. We drove out in our car pulling a trailer with everything we owned, three dogs (in a specially made spot in the trailer) and two cats who rode in the car with us. It was a great adventure for me at the age of 14. My oldest br0ther was 16 and he had a licence so he did some of the driving.

When we got here we had a soft landing at my Dad's friend's house who put us up for two months while we got settled and my Dad quickly got a job in the oil industry.
My br0ther who stayed with my biological father is a very different person than us because of his upbringing by someone else.

My Mom remarried but passed 14 years ago and my Dad remarried after we all moved out and is now retired.

I have told my Dad many times that he is the most important thing that ever happened to me. My life is so much better because of the choices that were made by my Mom, Tom, my br0thers and I all those years ago.

I never refer to him as my step-dad because he's my Dad. Whenever I need to clarify who he is I say that I have a biological father and a Dad while touching my heart with my hand.

Thanks Tom.
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Comments:
By Raypark [Ignore] 06,Jan,19 22:33
Indeed a heart throbbing life experience. I'm touched that you are grateful to have had Tom in your life, a genuine dedicated father figure who only had you and your siblings best interest and love for. Life can be complicated but made easier with loving parents. My oldest son was 2 1/2 yrs old when he and his mother entered my life. His biological father refused me to adopt him and wasn't much in his life. My son went to live with him for a year when he was 10 thinking it would be better ( was being rebellious) and we agreed to his wishes.

This year was pure hell for him, he wanted to return home after the school year but his biological father denied him which ended being a 3 year stay and a big court battle. During this time, i bought him clothes, looked after his neglected health, .... Every time we got him for a week or two for a visit thru the courts, his father denied us access to him until we pushed every time thru the courts. We never asked or pushed for any child support but he did from day one.

My son was reunited with his parents and two other brothers, my biological sons, after 3 yrs. He had been held hostage for child support (we did well for ourselves). Never has spoken with his biological father since and vows never too. He has always called me DAD and I will always be his dad no matter what. No child should ever have to go thru what he experienced, neglect, abuse, rejection,.... We fought hard and long for the return of our son and we got him back but at a price which he will be negatively marked for life from this experience.

It's funny how people have reacted thru the years, referring to my 2 kids (biological) and my correcting them I have 3 kids. There has never been a distinction between any of my 3 kids and there never will be any other than their own personalities and individuality. I'm a proud dad of 3 young adult men doing well for themselves with a good head on their shoulders.
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By kebmo [Ignore] 07,Jan,19 00:16⤴
I have heard many stories about "parents" using their children as tools or weapons in their own miserable lives. It saddens me that your son's biological father is such a person. Unfortunately your son will now have to deal with his own daemons.
As a father your best contribution to him regarding this would be to be a good listener. Be flattered when he comes to you and wants to 'talk'. It makes you special...I know.
Please don't speak poorly of his biological father, your son already knows what kind of person he is. I'm certain that the biological father spoke poorly of you and your wife but please remember that you can't control what others say but you can control what you say.
You're a good man and I thank you for your generosity of time and love to this young man, he needs it.
By Raypark [Ignore] 08,Jan,19 23:08⤴
Your right. Some very ill feelings arouse during the custody battle but those have been dealt with then and is history in our household. We didn't feel a need to talk bad about his father, he did all that on his own. His biological father abandoned and rejected him for wanting to return "home" with mom and dad. His loss !!
He and the other boys know they can discuss absolutely anything with us without judgement and do, we are very open and nonjudgmental. We recommend, give our opinion, look at pros and cons, when asked but we always let them know what ever decision they make, good or bad, we may not support the decision but will support them in their decision, but they will own the consequences weather good or not so good.


By bella! [Ignore] 15,Oct,18 11:22
A very touching and personal story. May I ask, how long was your biological dad out of your life and how long did your mom and Tom court prior to marrying?

My Aunt married a man when I was 11 years old and I was at a difficult age and I just knew that he wasn't going to be my proper Uncle and that I wasn't going to like him. He was a super Uncle, a super man and I could not have loved him any better than if he was mine from my first day in this world.

Did you maintain a good relationship with your mom over the years?
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By kebmo [Ignore] 15,Oct,18 15:03⤴
Thanks Bella, I'm glad you liked it. Very often step parents are depicted as bad and abusive. I just wanted to get Tom's story out there to show that that's just not the case. I know that there are many like him.
My biological father exited our lives when I was about 7 when my Mom packed up her five kids and left him due to his abusive behaviour. I was lucky enough to escape his crimes though. By choice, I never saw him after I was 11. I knew he was a bad person.
My Mom and Tom had a whirlwind romance that lasted about three months before they married.
Although 2,000 miles separated us, my Mom and I wrote each other weekly. I was always very close to her and Tom even paid for her trip to come to Calgary to visit her kids one summer when she couldn't afford it.
Sadly, she only lived to be 63 years old and she passed 14 years ago. Her last husband became very close to my br0thers and I. He's a good man that I still stay in contact with.
While I have your ear Bella, thanks for the roses!
By bella! [Ignore] 24,Nov,18 23:13⤴
Just to refresh your memory, the roses were "sent" on the anniversary of what you referred to as one of the most important days of your life and you thanked me more than one month ago, my friend.
By kebmo [Ignore] 25,Nov,18 01:09⤴
I knew that.
By bella! [Ignore] 25,Nov,18 01:15⤴
Then if you knew when and why I gifted them to you, you certainly would have known that you said thank you, too!


By #497961 [Ignore] 16,Oct,18 19:54
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By t-rex [Ignore] 15,Oct,18 22:00
👍
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By #555799 [Ignore] 15,Oct,18 14:48
Great story...thanks for sharing
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By kebmo [Ignore] 15,Oct,18 15:07⤴
You're welcome! Tom's a great man and good people need to be celebrated.


By #491031 [Ignore] 15,Oct,18 11:47
Just goes to show that any guy can be a father, but it takes a special kind of man to be a DAD!
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By kebmo [Ignore] 15,Oct,18 14:38⤴
Ain't that the truth? A friend of mine refers to the biological father of her son as "the sperm donor". Her son is lucky enough to have a Dad too.


By pifad [Ignore] 15,Oct,18 04:40
Great story. I adopted my kids.
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By kebmo [Ignore] 15,Oct,18 05:15⤴
Thanks. I hope you're as important to them as Tom is to us.
By pifad [Ignore] 15,Oct,18 09:00⤴
Absolutely! They tell me all the time. And if I had biological kids, I couldn’t love them more. Best days of my life were the days we picked them up and brought them home.


By Pistonbroke [Ignore] 15,Oct,18 08:02
Nice story with a happy ending. You were all very lucky that your mom chose someone like Tom. Your lives could have turned out much worse without his involvement.
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