By phart [Ignore] 09,Sep,16 15:55 Pageviews: 207
 I have no one as a friend or family member I can ask about this.
I have a situation I don't know how to deal with. I have known a gal since we were 6 years old. She ran off when she was 17 and got messed up with drugs and alcohol. When she was 42 she came back home. She had been thru 3 marriages and divorces and has 2 kids she seldom gets to see. She wanted to hang around with me because I am not a **** user or drinker or anything of that sort. The first thing that got gone was my virginity. Yep at 43 I had not had any yet. I am that geeky and unattractive to most Well it took a couple years for her to get off the drinking and doping and she went to college and got a second degree and got a part time job in April of this year and loved it. We obviously fell in love and I tried my best to treat her right and such. Fast forward to the end of July. I decide to take her on vacation. We get to the location and she is not feeling well she says. Winds up having seizures and by the next day i had to call for ems to haul her in to the hospital. Coma. It was determined she apparently had took some medicine to lower her **** sugar in a large amount and she was not prescribed it. Doctors basically said a suicide attempt. She was given a 19% chance to live for a short time. fast forward to today, she is up,walking and has went completely bonkers as in slapping nurses, making threats and what not. She is being committed to a facility that handles nut cases as I type this. She says she loves me. But then when i say I can't take her home, she gets violent. I have tried to trust her not to do the dope and such and it turns out she was stealing mouth wash from other peoples rooms last night for the alchol. I have no tolerance for that stuff and I feel like trust is a important part of a relationship. I no longer feel I can trust her and she will fake a recovery and get out of where she is going to repeat process best I can tell. that is her history before we started seeing each other again 6 years ago.Since her episode I have put over 3000 miles on my car going to see her as she was in the hospital a month 150 miles from home. I spoon feed her every time I go see her and try to do things to make her feel better. Till this nurse slapping and running out the nursing home door episode. Mri's indicate severe brain damage over the frontal lobes of her brain. What they tell me it is permanent. I am at the end of my rope mentally, physically,and with all the extra money for gas and such, financially suffering to some degree. Thank God her family is legal guardians and disability has been approved for expenses. How much longer should I hang in there so to speak? As far as love is concerned,I do love her,but damn, I can't take this shit anymore to put it bluntly. I aint to concerned about sex and stuff right now as I can live without that. but my marbles are starting to pour out of the bag and I don't want to loose them all.  |
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She was allowed to get her license about 5 months ago.So for a while I had to hide when she slowly came up the driveway and would knock and beat on the door and hollar. The state took them away after the doctors jumped them about her incompetance. So that is over.Thank goodness.
No phones, havn't saw her except a passby at the walmart. Glad to be able to get past it all.
I know I come accross as a asshole sometimes but I genuinely try to be a good person and look after the folks I care about and do the right thing.
I am about sure I will never allow myself to get involved with anyone again like I was with her. I will never feel comfortable trusting again to that depth.
He is afraid she will get frustrated and go find any ol sumbitch to fuck her and the problems will start. I told him I really hoped that didn't happen but my self preservation instincts have kicked in and I had to put myself up closer to the top of my priorty list.
She has changed in the fact she can remember more.
She finally after over 2 years,fessed up to taking the pills and making a mess of her life.
I have maintained my once a week visits as i agreed to do with her dad to try help support her healing and so forth. It aint helping ME any but oh well.
She has been bugging me about taking her out to eat shrimp like we used to and why have I not made love to her.After I explained that the last time we were alone things didn't go so well,she admitted to what she had done.
I told her due to the way things went I do not feel comfortable being alone with her or having "relations" so to speak. She then of course went into the kinda childish blabbering about me not caring about her. I ask her where I had been the last 2 years, nearby to support her.If I didn't care as a freind, why would I do that? I just flat out said,that is far as it is going. She then told me, I didn't have to come back to visit as she felt like I should be doing more than sitting on the porch with her.
Well I be damn, can't do nothing right can I? I mean,she has the mind of a 12 year old and the stature of a 80 year old and can't tie her shoes due to trying to kill herself on my watch.And I am supposed to forget about it? Sheesh.You can't win folks.
I have long got past the missing her part and the "what could I have done" stuff. I only am supporting her and her family during her recovery.
ON a brighter note to help in my own recovery from this situation, I have been helping a high school classmate with some mechanic work and transportation to her job and so forth.But damn,working on a Mini Cooper is like doing heart surgery on a squirrel thru it's back side.
I would come across them hunting for something else and it would get the thought train running.
She has not improved much at all.
And she is starting to remember things and he said she wants us to resume dating and such and looks forward to being with me again!
I told him flat out,I didn't mind a bit sitting on their front porch playing checkers or something but the "romance and desire" aspect of our relationship is gone out the window.
I couldn't bring myself to trust her no way in hell.
She literally can not tie her damn shoes or put her pants on right side out,but wants to date and is basically horny?
damn, I told her dad,"I just wish she would forget me and remember how to live her life"
. So the world churns.
People may think I am a total asshole and I know my apple cart has a warped wheel but shit like this keeps my nerves tore up enough it causes alot of anger to flow out in all directions.
it has been tough but I am getting back into the swing of life slowly. Like I said in the post below,everything i own is about gone to the dogs. But I am sleeping better. And getting out more.
No women have entered my life in the sense of having sex or a meaningful relationship.
Since my last post I have heard she went back into the hospital,tied to the bed,because she beat up a couple nurses and folks in the rest home. Her mind is just gone.
I have really tried hard to get on with my life but I am starting to see just how much of my life I had let go down hill. Everything I own is falling apart, I am falling apart.
I am getting better though. Contact her by phone once or twice a week. go see her when she is brought home for a few days about once a month. The less I see and hear from her,the better I can get along with life.
thanks for the replys here. I do come back and read this stuff for reminders and support.
It sounds like she was lucky to have your support through this, and I hope you've managed to find some happiness for yourself since then.
I must say I am gun shy a bit about getting into another situation.
As advised from folks here I have done alot to stop letting this bother me . I can't "leave dodge" because I live a 1/4 mile away from her family.Slow process for me to get past it all but it is happening.
So I visited a few minutes and helped out the family to.
I ask her how old she is now. She looked at me and said, "I am 13 today!"
Sheesh, quite a jump back in time aint it?
Poor thing has no idea how to tie her shoes. So she has slip on's. And puts them on the wrong feet!
The nursing home has stopped all therapy and there is nothing for her to do but eat and ****. She has gained alot of weight. She is basically backing up as far as any healing or rehab. Kinda sad to watch something like this. A person going from fully functional to a **** mentally.
I have cut back to 1 visit every 8 days or so and only stay about a hour. It has been determined so far she will need to be in a facility of some kind under observation the rest of her life.
I am getting my life back in a groove,perhaps not the same groove it was in before she came along but I am finally getting adjusted back to being alone alot. As I am tonight,a Saturday night and I am alone punching on the computer.
Getting by ok I guess.
Her family and myself went to eat with her at a holiday gathering the nursing home hosted. She cussed me several times, told me to shut up and quit lieing every time she ask me a question and didn't like the answer. She cussed her family like they were just pure crap. She has become 1 ill ,hateful human being.
I am cutting back to 1 visit a week after today. I don't put my arm around her anymore and don't give her a chance to try to kiss me or anything.
What bugs me, she wants to hold me and kiss on me and can't tie her damn shoes and does not even think I am who I am, she thinks I am someone else!
When ask if I can come see her by my name, she says no, he is boring.
So I am going to more or less help the family keep her in clean clothes once a week and take her a dr pepper soda and sit a while and leave. May cut it back to twice a month after first of the year.
I guess the next question I will be asking is how,after going thru this, will I ever learn to trust a woman,or for that matter anybody, this much again.
I ate thanksgiving with the family this evening. first time without her there with me in 5 years.
Sometimes like to night I feel lost,but other times I wonder what am I thinking?
thanks for letting me ramble and thanks again for the advice.
I am trying my best to keep my brain intact and do what my gut tells me to.
I have to say,a couple gals at the local grill where i eat breakfast have been nice to me. 1,a young gal,brought me a fresh baked pound cake! That helps alot,just a good friendly gesture.
What I have been told here is sound advice. Now the thing is trying to apply it. The feelings of guilt and such of deserting her.But she tried to desert me,I guess I worry because I care.
Finally making some sense of what she talks about. Didn't make sense till I realized she is remembering events and people from over 10 years ago or more. The doc wants to send her to a special facility to deal with TBI patients.
The 1 thing they wanted from the family, and Me, was our presence occasionally to show her support and to help them figure out what she can and can't do. To help her family, and her,I would help once or twice a week . But at this time there is no progress as far as getting her to a point this can happen. My inner most feelings are, she will never get to that point.
Thanks to you all's guidance and advice I have gotten past the worrying portion of my situation. I have always helped people, be it yard work, transportation to eat or work or fix things for cheap or free. So I am looking at this as just helping someone in need that I happened to care about.
I had to find out if it was ok and acceptable to stop letting this bother me to the point of self destruction. And you helped me with that. thanks.
I aint hot to trot for another woman or anything right now anyhow so there won't be any ads in the paper for a free good used boy friend any time soon.
Her mother, had several seizures and mini strokes the other day and is in the hospital. Her father is getting down in his back and can hardly walk just in the past few weeks. So he is trying to get better and tending to his wife. I still go see her once or twice a week because there is no one else. And the lady's at the nursing home said it understandable not to trust her again but at least being a friend she may not feel abandoned.
So I am the only 1 the family has to count on to help with taking clean clothes to the nursing home and such.
I have always helped others, like taking folks to the store or mowing grass or whatever a person needs that is down on their luck. I am changing my approach to this as to help a neighbor and a friend. I am going try to get past the "I love her" stuff and just do the right thing as a friend.
As you folks have made clear, it is a black hole with no drop cords, or hose pipes or roots to grab onto as you fall.
She seems to think I am someone entirely now. When ask if "my name" can come to eat thanksgiving with her at the nursing home, "NO He can't come". "Well what about the big guy that brings you food and takes care of the puppy's"? "OH yea, Bo can come eat with me". damn, She says she loves me but is she talking to me or whoever she is seeing in her minds eye looking at me?
as the world churns
The doctors told me she took a lethal dose of that medicine. Me and everyone else that has been involved can't find how she got it or why she took it.
The more I think about it, IF she tried to take herself out, how damn cold hearted that was of her to want me to wake up the next morning and her laying there dead is bugging me.
As time goes by I keep finding hints in my memory. like she insisted on having 2 beds. i guess so I would be far enough away not to notice changes in her ****. But the seizures woke me up anyway.
I guess what bugs me about this is the fact that IF she does care about me, she is laying in the er ,has been for 28 hours so far,thinking I am there for her when she recovers and I am seriously looking at as advised ,getting out of dodge. Kinda cold hearted of me to walk out on her at such a low point in her life.
But,the doctors confirmed today the brain damage is causing alot of the issues of rapid mood swing and such. But they want to give her Seriquil and put her back in the nursing home! Not find the problem and fix it, just dope up and kick out. so the system is failing her to.
As the world churns.
That's a lot to give up of yourself and of your life. If she has the ability to recognize what you would be doing for her. Their are different ways to have sex and have fun together. But if her mood swings and mind are so far gone she can't give you anything bad. You might find yourself regarding giving up so much of your life later on.
I am good friends with the family and they are in their 70's and my advice has helped alot to get her in the place she is going for help. I have already shared the fact that I will not be able to trust her anymore and or be as involved as before. I appreciate the advice and letting me know I aint feeling the wrong emotions wanting to get some relief from all this.
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